Saturday, July 10, 2004

Today is the first day

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Isnt that some cheezy cliche that actually means nothing, but is used by everyone! Well today I mean it. It is July 10th at 2:20pm I am siiting in Glendale mall at the public library on the public computers! What a drag! i have just left a very exhilirating ministry meeting at church and I have decided that I am going to make some changes.

Do you know what it is like to feel as if you need someone? Do you ever feel that if that person were to not be in your life, things would just crash. In some ways that is a wonderful place to be. New Love, the flowers are alive and the world is all brand new. Eventually the honeymoon is over and the real day to day issues start to effect that perfect love. I cannot live one day without this man he is wonderful and perfect and I must be the problem because he is perfect!!

Wake up idiot, he is no more perfect than you are. And though you may be overly impressed with his physical amenities. The sun does not rise and set on his behind. My momma used to say that. The horrible truth is that once two people move beyond the honeymoon they may determine that they really aren't compatible at all in any other place than the bedroom and even there its a stretch.

I think he wants a passive housewife. Which on the surface isn't really a bad thing. I mean, I certainly wanted a house husband. The problem is, I am not passive. I have a general idea of how I want to live my life. Right or wrong, good or bad. Whether you agree or not, I must live my life how I see fit. Now that is a hard line to tow in a relationship. There has to be compromise and give and take. But, once you have tried that and given it your best shot, you eventually have to accept that being in love shouldnt feel like a constant tug of war.

here is the final qualifier when you know that you have fought the good fight and lost the war. Do the good times outweigh the bad???

Perhaps I would have said yes, one year ago. But today as I honestly survey my soul I must admit that the good times do not outweigh the bad times. The bad times are becoming more frequent and more intense.

Well i promised that this blog would not turn into another complain and moan site about my personal life, but perhaps someone can learn something here and perhaps I can just dedicate one section of this blog to crying about me and Wallace. Love is a Bitch.

So today I will start something new. I am turning on to that stretch of highway that will inevitably end up in break up. I hope it will be uneventful and civil. I pray that God will protect both of ud from the other. Things get ugly when two people who love each other try to not love each other.


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